Take the test!

It's testing season everywhere. I mean literally, 3/4 of my Facebook news feed is full of complaints about testing. PARCC this and SBAC that. FULL of complaints. In the last three weeks, I've been asked if we'll opt out, what my thoughts are and why we didn't opt out. Countless times, countless answers. It's a hard question to answer because I have some conflicting thoughts. Ultimately, he took the test. Here's why:

1) Life is full of stressful situations
Seriously, at least once a month I want to opt out of something. But life doesn't work that way. Sometimes, the only way out is through. I want the kid to learn early and learn often, that you can survive anything stressful with preparation, planning and just a tiny spoonful of luck.

People have asked me why 3rd graders need to face stressful situations and if that's fair. No, of course it isn't fair. But wouldn't you rather your child's first stressful situation be something he knows is coming and that he knows he'll be supported by adults who know and care about him? I want my son to have tons of high stakes testing experience before it really matters. You know? That last SAT- the situation where one more correct answer might be the difference between full and partial scholarship? I want him to have been there a hundred times before, take a breath and tackle it head on.

2)Life is full of less-than-ideal testing situations
Guess what? The DMV doesn't care at all that the guy next to you is making too much noise and you can't concentrate. They won't make sure you have your favorite pencil, a calm testing environment and a nice fresh piece of scratch paper. Neither does the ACT, the SAT, the Bar exam, the Contractor's Licensing Board or any of the other host of organizations that give tests and certifications. Ultimately, you have to get through it with what's in your head and your head alone. Learning how to work it out and be successful on the back end is a hugely important skill. Again, I want him to go through that over and over, until it's a nonchalant "Yep, I got this."

3) Data matters
As the teacher of my student, I want to know that I'm doing a good job. I want to see somehow, some way that it's getting in his head. But I can see this every single day, with his thoughtful questions and his desire to pursue another path. I can see how his math did or didn't make sense that day and read his essay to know he's learning. So who cares?

As a homeschooler, data matters. As a parent of a very advanced academic child, data matters even more. Sure, I can say "Oh you don't understand, he's really smart. He just passed high school Geometry!" All that gets him is a polite smile and a knowing "Oh, yes of course." Which really means "Your mom is a nut." The data makes the argument better than anything I can ever say. Whipping out advanced test scores creates a path for others to understand you and a language to advocate for your kids.

4) Because he liked the test
We just finished SBAC. Because I am the principal of our homeschooling charter, I had the opportunity to observe more than 175 students coming and going from testing. Nobody cried- not one single student. Most left with a smile on their faces and even our most challenged students worked through their frustrations to persevere and complete their testing.

EVERYONE SURVIVED!

Wait... what? Many of the middle schoolers liked the test?? What? That's not supposed to happen! This was supposed to be akin to torture! I saw so on Facebook!

"I liked that there were open questions. I got to make my own answer, rather than pick their stupid choices." (my kid) 

"The essay was fun- I liked the prompt and I got to show off what I know." (A 6th grader)

"Even the math part wasn't that hard, I just explained what I knew and it was ok" (a 5th grader)

"Do we get to do another activity and write again? (another 6th grader, disappointed testing was over)

When it was all said and done, it wasn't that bad! Some of the kids liked the test! My own kid liked it  a lot. He said he was tired, because it was hard to concentrate that long, but that overall it was way, way better than multiple choice bubble tests. 

Ultimately, tests happen. Life happens and stress happens. The successful people are those who see the stress coming, prepare for it and go right through it. As a mom, a teacher, a principal and an adult, I want to give my kid all the tools he needs to tackle challenges- even those that involve 8 hours of testing. He has proven to himself that he can do it. So no matter what the scores say in the long run, it was a success!

Why homeschool your gifted child? (Or really- any child who lost their sparkle)

Three and a half years into homeschooling. Three and a half years. I never would have imagined we would still be at it, or enjoying it or even still thinking about doing it one more year. And yet here we are. People ask me all the time "Why did you decide to homeschool?" The answer is complex and simple. Because we didn't know what else to do. Or because we could. Or why not?

When I really sit and think about it, the real answer is because we had to. I was literally watching my child's sparkle and passion fizzle out with a teacher who was determined to crush him. As an educator, I cannot imagine waking up every day and plotting to make a student cry. Yet I am certain that was her main goal. She was like the principal in Matilda, horrible, dreadfully depressing and guaranteed to ruin every child's life if at all possible.

Matilda had Ms. Honey on her team, fighting for her love of reading and her educational aspirations. Back then, in that lonely third grade, my kid just had me. I couldn't sit by and watch him wrinkle and shrivel under a bitter teacher's evil thumb.

Three and a half years later, I sat with my son while he chose his Stanford Splash classes for a weekend. What kinds of crazy kids choose to go to school all weekend? Talented ones, creative ones, bored ones... Gifted ones. My son delighted in his choices and savored the idea of a weekend filled with engagement, creativity, games and fun. He lectured another friend who asked him why anyone would want to give up a weekend for learning. Life is for learning he told him, as I sat by proudly smiling (and making a mental note to bring that up next time the Minecraft time is a little too long for my own comfort).

A friend recently wrote that her son had encountered the same kind of teacher- the one who hates her life and can't imagine anyone could ever be happy. The kind who wakes up in the morning determined to bring the world down with her. My friend's son has been in the nurse's office repeatedly for anxiety and stomach aches. He can't figure out what he is doing wrong that makes his teacher hate him so much. He is only 8 and an adult is destroying his love of learning. Sadly, there are teachers like this everywhere- teachers who should have retired a long, long time ago or teachers who just hate their jobs.

Is your kid in a class like this right now? Are you spending more time in meetings doing advocacy, begging for differentiated instruction, negotiating another 504 or behavior plan and trying to figure out why there are walls up at every turn? Are you spending several hours a week trying to convince a school to educate your child that you could be spending educating him yourself? I give you permission to walk away. Seriously, just walk away. In all 50 states in the US, you can literally just throw your hands up, take your child and go. No matter what they tell you at the front desk, it is 100% legal.

So here we sit, on the beautiful Stanford campus, while my son is off in Animal Behavior, Science of Star Wars or perhaps Of Mice and Monks. He has his sparkle, all of it and he has his love of learning for the sake of learning again. Homeschooling made that possible. Passionate learning comes from within, but a wicked teacher can reach in and rip that right out of a kid. It takes time, healing and opportunity to explore to put the passion back inside again. If you can, take the time. While there are days that aren't perfect, neither of us has ever regretted the decision. And on the days full of sparkle, we relish the idea of another day or month of homeschooling.

Middle school angst and homeschooling

Middle school. It's a time of challenge, confusion, emotional roller coasters and intensity. I've said many times in the past few months that the kid is both fifteen and seven at the same time. His Christmas wishlist is a perfect example of the juxtaposition- Chima Lego sets and a gamer's mouse, little gizmos and a Magic the Gathering trade binder. The whole list reads as if someone should have split it in two for different kids.

It catches me off guard how much middle school has really affected him. Since he's just 11, it seems early for puberty but yet his shoulders are broader, his attitude is bigger and he has an insatiable appetite. Sometimes he's emotionally shaken due to a simple thing a friend says that lasts for days. Other times, he'll suffer a major disappointment and I expect an intense reaction but instead get a wise response far beyond his years. It's a challenge, as a mom, but particularly as his teacher, because I never know which part of the hydra we're dealing with today.

I've been a middle school teacher for fifteen years now and I can definitely say that my experience with the age group is reassuring and provides me a level of understanding and normalcy. I'm often counseling friends who are in the throes of it for their very first time. Middle school girls in particular, enjoy being contrarians and messing with their parents. What was cool yesterday, is a stupid idea today, particularly if it was mom's idea. Recently a friend told me that her daughter has stopped reading for pleasure because it's "not cool".  Her reaction was to require more reading at home and to start telling her daughter what to read. I get it- we all want great readers and to encourage our kids to find adventure in books. But the kiss of death for any book is to have it recommended to a middle school girl by her mom! I suggested she just keep going to the library, keep collecting books and just leave them around. Don't talk about it; don't apply pressure. Sit back and think like a scientist- this is a time for observation only.

Homeschooling a middle schooler brings a different level of challenge. Since in most cases, kids take their angst off to school where they can complain about their stupid parents with their absurd rules. As a teacher, I've often used this opportunity to create relationships with my students and to try to bridge the gap between home and school communication. I work with students to figure out how to express their feelings better at home and to negotiate situations that might give them a more positive outcome.

Both the kid and I have had to learn to negotiate well, walk the line of parent/child and student/teacher, regardless of emotional outbursts, frustration and anger (on both sides!) I understand now why many homeschoolers decide that middle school is the time to find an alternative traditional school that will work. The emotional days can be overwhelming, particularly when you have other things to do as an adult, and your middle schooler is being stubborn, resistant and obstinate. These are the days when you need to stay the course the most. Stick to your schedule and be consistent. Math happens before TV- no matter if you scream and yell like a two year old or a fifteen year old. It's still going to happen.

For homeschooling parents, try some empathetic listening and let your kids express their feelings. You may find their reason for being angry to be completely outlandish or stupid. Often, as they start talking, they'll realize how silly it sounds too. But no matter how hard you have to try, do not point it out. Sometimes, just letting it all out is what they really need and knowing you'll still love them anyway is the best answer.

If you're still looking for more advice, here are some books we've used that have been a huge help. They are not all homeschooling specific but they will help you find a common ground with your middle schooler.

Parenting 2E Style

Definitions:

2E- Twice-exceptional, that is gifted with a learning disability

2E Parenting- designed to test every ounce of patience you have, and then see if you break when you get pushed a teeny bit further

It's no secret that we left public school to find a better academic fit for the kid. I've taken to saying that he is a very irregular pentagon, that doesn't fit in a box or a round hole. He needs a strangely shaped hole, kind of like one in the game Perfection that you played as a kid. The one with oddly shaped puzzle pieces that launch out if you don't get them all in the right place in time.

That's what 2E parenting is like. Quickly, hurriedly, get all those pieces in- listening to the tick tick of the timer in the back, hoping you can work faster before the game all launches back at you. Only the game is your kid's emotional ability to hold it together without exploding.

Sometimes, I'm really good at Perfection. I'm smooth and quick and all the pieces fall into place. Unfortunately, I'm not perfect at Perfection. Sometimes I can't get all the pieces lined up before the emotions explode. Those days are particularly rough. If you add in homeschooling and working part time with 230 other homeschooling students, Perfection seems to blow up quite often and usually right back in my face.

The kid is amazingly well adjusted for the odd life he leads. We don't talk about specifics much, but including the grade skip he already had in public school, he is three to four years ahead in most academic subjects. This creates a challenge in finding reading material that is challenging and interesting, yet also age appropriate and doesn't introduce life lessons he isn't emotionally equipped to learn yet. Math and history are simpler as we just chug along on a fairly linear path. Science has brought forth some unexpected challenges, like a conversation about prostitution that was unplanned. Who knew that a unit on infectious diseases, viruses and immunity would go well into detail on topics of AIDS and hired prostitutes. I learned my lesson there- I do still need to proofread all lessons in advance.

Since the kid's disability specifically is related to motor coordination, fine and gross motor skills are impacted. He thinks like a high school student and prints like a 2nd grader, but he's 10. It means things that seem like they should take five minutes in my teacher-planning mind, end up taking an hour. It also means very intense emotional responses to the inability to meet his own expectations. If he can think it, why can't he write it down faster and neater, with the precision of a high school thought? If he can explain an algebra problem, why can't he sit nicely in his chair and not fall out of it three times?

Sometimes new families to homeschooling think that they must be the only ones struggling. Clearly they're doing something wrong if it's not all homemade cookies, beautiful cursive copywork and happily skipping children in the neighborhood park. I will be the first to attest that it's not at all like that. I've learned to measure success across days or weeks, not across hours or minutes. If we end the week with inspiration, something gained, something learned and fewer than 5 bouts of Perfection-blowing emotion, it was a good week.

If you're homeschooling, especially if you're homeschooling a child with any sort of special needs, give yourself a hug. You deserve it. It's not always easy. But I can promise you, it's always worth it.

Wrapping up 2013

They say time flies when you're having fun. Somehow, it's suddenly the end of December and while I'm not sure I'd categorize the fall of 2013 as "fun" it has definitely been busy! Adjusting to a new routine, new work schedule and a new middle schooler attitude has kept both of us on our toes and encouraged me to revisit and revise all of my plans on a weekly basis.

This is also the time of the year that I look over what my son has accomplished, the hits and misses of curriculum and what needs to happen over the spring to be a successful year.

Hits

1) Dumping literature curriculum for The Book Whisperer style homeschooling.
My son has complained about being told what to read, when to read it and doing all sorts of assignments along with it. But as a teacher, how would I know he was reading? How would I prove he understood it? This year, I listened to him and Donalyn Miller and decided to set him free with one small exception. If you want to see the movie, you have to read the book first. Since July, he's finished 26 fiction books, countless non-fiction articles and small books and read more than 4,000 pages. He polished off Ender's Game and Catching Fire in time for the movies. He takes a book with him everywhere, all the time. I probably should have listened to him last year. Donalyn Miller was right. Be brave, let the kids read!

2) Finding ways to make Minecraft into our homeschool lessons.
Minecraft is the pervasive conversation topic, the mode of communication and the entire social foundation of my son's life right now. It's all Minecraft all the time. So I found myself walking the fine line between allowing him to be obsessed and ruining all his fun. It got easier as we balanced when and how Minecraft is learning vs. social. If your kids aren't playing Minecraft, you're really missing out on an amazing learning tool. But that's not to say that it isn't also the most annoying, frustrating and time-sucking hobby! Using Minecraft for lessons in literature, science and history helped me justify the volume of hours he spends playing. The biggest, most successful find however, is the Minecraft Homeschool classes. Now he has his history lessons, quizzes and Minecraft builds all wrapped into one!

3) NaNoWriMo
We LOVE November. Love it. I can't say enough about how every student, of any age, should be able to participate wholeheartedly in NaNoWriMo. Take a crazy idea and write a novel, in a month, with no editing or self-critiquing allowed. It's a perfect experiment for perfectionists. It encourages each author to really push into the hard parts of writer's block and work through it. More than 10,000 words written in November and the kid has completed his fourth NaNo novel. Completion means December and January are all about editing and turning that long ramble of creativity into a well-written, creatively woven plot.

4) Other Curriculum Success
A few other successes this year so far:


And the Intellego Unit Study Ancient Civilizations  was also a big hit. I've used Intellego products before and while sometimes the links are broken or redirected, it's definitely worth the inexpensive price to not have to make up your own curriculum. The kid loves the online components and they find fantastic resources to use!

Misses

1) A regular Algebra 1 class

Since the kid is far accelerated beyond his grade level in math, we had high hopes that integrating into a standard high school Algebra class would be a success. I wasn't concerned about the math, but was hoping he'd bond with a teacher and we'd have a path to higher level math without any advocacy on my part. Unfortunately, the class turned out to be moving at a tortuously slow pace, with tons of work and no learning. He finished the semester, having lost one entire point the whole semester and not yet hitting any work he hadn't seen before. Back to the drawing board!

2) Bravewriter's Writer's Jungle

Poetry Tea was awesome! I learned a lot about writing styles and coaching writing while reading Writer's Jungle. But what I didn't learn was how to get a reluctant, dysgraphic, extremely creative writer to somehow take on the challenge of any sort of academic writing. He'd happily write stories (see NaNoWriMo above) but the minute you ask him to analyze, report or discuss, it all goes out the window. I've decided to outsource our writing with a class from Athena's Advanced Academy for spring semester instead.   

3) Too much or not enough scheduling

This is always the balance isn't it? Academic homeschooling is a very narrow line between too much and too little. There were too many days where it was 11am and I couldn't imagine how we had possibly finished our work for the day. In turn, there were too many days where it was 4pm and he still hadn't come close to finishing. In my perfect homeschooling world, we'd have great ideas together and they would magically balance out with the perfect amount of too much and too little. They'd appear on the lesson plan already designed and sketched out in a way that made both of us happy. I'm still researching how to make this magical world actually happen! 

Choosing Curriculum for the New Year

Researching curriculum, reviewing curriculum, and reading curriculum are three of my most favorite parts of homeschooling. Then comes the worst part, the most difficult challenge of all- actually choosing the curriculum. It feels like torture to let go of something I've spent so much time exploring! But late spring means that it's time to put in the curriculum order for the new year and time to begin breaking up with curriculum I've come to love.

We homeschool through a public charter school in California. There are many different deviations of this model, some of which give parents a fixed dollar amount to spend in selected vendors. Our model is a physical charter that holds classes and purchases curriculum for the families to check out each year. We have access to more than 70 classes, a typical school administration, a library and traditional school activities like Science Fair. There are definite pros and cons to this model. In our case, my son's expensive fencing lessons would be paid for by the school in a different model, because they count as PE. In our model, we pay out of pocket.

Our charter offers a huge variety of curriculum for the classical homeschooler but can be somewhat limited for Academic Homeschoolers. Because it is a K-8 charter school, the curriculum library does not contain anything beyond 8th grade. For most kids, this wouldn't be a problem. However, for us, we often find we have to purchase our own materials to cover the kid's academic needs. 

The kid is a sixth grader on paper this year, though his academic needs are pretty varied. So far, this is our plan for the 2013-2014 school year. It may change, depending on progress in the next few months! For those interested in purchasing curriculum, I have included links where available.

Literature/English

Wordly Wise Book 7

The Writer's Jungle

Free reading- with the school's 40 Book Challenge

Mathematics

Art of Problem Solving- Algebra 1 (We recommend buying from Horrible Ray)

Descartes Cove and Khan Academy as supplemental

Science

Intellego Units in Evolution and also Plate Techtonics/Geology

Our monthly hands-on science club will continue

Social Studies/History

Intellego Units in Ancient Civilizations (covering China and India)

Story of Science- Aristotle Leads the Way

Student Quest Guide (the accompanying workbook)

Electives-

We're still tossing this around. Perhaps blacksmithing with a local co-op, or some improv acting classes. We'll be adding in a musical instrument this year but which instrument is still a family debate!  The kid will also continue dabbling in coding with Code Academy and working on digital art using Anime Design Studio. 

Why I wrote the book

Since “Academic Homeschooling: How to Give Your Child an Amazing Education at Home” was published in November, I’ve answered this question countless times. Why did I write the book? My answer is the same but depending on the audience and situation, it is often abbreviated. The longer version is complex and not nearly as easy to explain in a day-to-day conversation.

As I note in the book, we did not come to homeschooling when my son was born, nor do we homeschool as a resistance movement to public school or “the man”. We are homeschooling out of necessity. I have an oddly shaped irregular pentagon child that doesn’t fit in the nice little square box of traditional public school. We certainly gave it our best, spending countless hours advocating, volunteering and training teachers to see a different way to teach that might reach a broader population. Some were eager to learn, but we finally couldn’t handle the brick wall of a principal who refused to help my son continue to grow academically.

As a credentialed teacher with classroom and administrative experience, the desire to make automatons who can fill in little bubbles on a test just didn’t resonate with me. I was lucky to work at a school that encouraged creativity both for students and teachers. I created my own curriculum, worked with a wide variety of students and encouraged parent volunteers in my classroom. How could I willingly give my son a poorer quality education than I was giving my own students every day? Didn’t he deserve the same fulfilling, enriching education?

And so homeschooling was the new path we tackled, two years ago now. We set out to spend just two years homeschooling him, until he was old enough to go to my previous school. We planned on homeschooling being a gap-fill that would inspire his love of learning, allow us to travel and academically open opportunities for him that had been closed previously. One year into homeschooling, it was obvious to me that our “brand” of homeschooling was lacking both information and acceptance in the homeschooling world. We are not religious homeschoolers, nor anti-government, nor classical, nor unschoolers. We are homeschooling because it is the best academic choice. This is how the book was born, out of a desire to get people talking and sharing what was happening in their own homeschooling environment. I wanted to “out” the Academic Homeschoolers and connect them with other families that were homeschooling the same way and feeling lonely in the often critical homeschooling world.

This blog is the natural development out of the book- a way to continue to share resources, ideas and projects with our readers. As we enter our third year of Academic Homeschooling, we look forward to inspiring even more families to make the leap!