You need your people too!

I'll tell you a little secret. In homeschooling, whether it's one kid or five, whether they're boys or girls, whether you're the most organized teacher or living in pure chaos, it's always all about the kids. I imagined that someday, my darling adorable two year old would go off to school and I'd finally close the bathroom door and nobody would knock on it with an "emergency".  Guess what? That still doesn't happen and he's nearly 11. Grammar needs immediate correction, words need to be spelled and math formulas are instantly forgotten the moment that bathroom door closes. I believe it's the #1 theorum of homeschooling "What was remembered when the door was open will be forgotten when the door is closed." The corollary is "What was not important when the door was open, will become life threatening when the door is closed."

In homeschooling, we spend so much time talking about socialization and how to make sure our kids are getting time with other kids. We squeeze in one more park day, add one more activity, eek out one more event, just to make sure that the kids are full of experiences and activities. I find that by the end of the week, I'm exhausted- as emotionally as physically exhausted.

Homeschool parents need to recharge batteries too. All that running, lesson planning, refereeing, science lab making is draining on your soul and on your spirit. I have explained to non-homeschooling friends before, that what I do now is 10x more exhausting than when he was a toddler. At least then, I could give him a snack, take a shower and pop in a 30 minute video for a cup of tea. Now, the same strategy results in a "You're wasting water, you know we're in a drought!" and "This video has some historically inaccurate information, I can't watch it." And the nonstop chatter- oy! There are many days where even as an extrovert, I wonder why I thought homeschooling my extreme extrovert was a good idea. He processes everything, literally everything, out loud.

What's a homeschooler to do? Find your people! A friend and colleague I job share with has created an eclectic homeschoolers group. We've met up three times now, and while our intention is to talk about curriculum, each time it turns into a chat fest where we can share what's bugging us about our kids, what we did yesterday and simply just hang out with friends. It's a "park day" for moms only I don't have to leave my tea to referee an argument because we have a "only babies in arms" rule.

I have plenty of non-homeschooling friends and once a month or so, we'll grab coffee or lunch when it fits all the kids' school schedules. Sometimes we bring our kids, sometimes not. This time is equally rejuvenating and makes me thankful for my friends that are curious about what we do but non-judgmental about homeschooling. They know my irregular pentagon didn't fit well in a traditional classroom because they were my friends then too.

The best homeschoolers I know, the ones that are still slightly sane, have a regular routine that offers them the opportunity to step away from the kids and recharge. It has to be planned and it has to be regular so that it isn't easy to dismiss for next weekend, or when you are less stressed or when you have more "time".  I can assure you, the stress never goes away and you will never find more time! To stay sane, put it on your calendar and keep it like a doctor's appointment. You'll be happy you did in the end!

Free time

Spending nearly twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week with someone is trying of the patience of both parties. Most moms are so excited, though a bit sad and nervous, when their little one finally reaches kindergarten age. YES! Maybe time to shower without interruption, savor a grocery store trip with one less child or read an entire magazine alone. That time is precious and well-deserved for any mom or dad! 

This time is also often the first thing that moms, in particular, ask me about in regards to homeschooling. They will comment like “Oh I could never do that, I value my alone time” or “It must be so hard to be together all that time every day!” I completely understand that perspective and the three years my son was in public school were marvelously filled with free time, career and hobbies. However, as I was spending more and more time at his school, meeting with teachers and administration seeking appropriate academic environments for him, it became clear that my hobby had become advocacy. This wasn’t my intention, nor a hobby I would have chosen on my own. It was just the nature of the situation and what was required for him to get the quality of education he deserved. As my career and free time was dwindling rapidly, it seemed to make more sense to use those advocacy hours on schooling him myself.

Do I miss free time? Absolutely. I had the luxury of working part-time, which both fed my brain and kept me from getting bored. It also gave me time to have lunch with friends, work on projects around the house and to run errands alone. I was able to accomplish so much in those few days off of work that our weekends were free for family time and we rarely had chores that got in the way. 

Now, wrapping up year two of homeschooling and looking at year three, I realize the kid and I have hit a beautiful rhythm. Assuming he is on task, we can accomplish his schoolwork by 2pm on just about any day. That leaves us several hours of free time each afternoon. I’ve encouraged him to come up with independent projects so that I can use the time to read, make a grocery list, write or pay bills free of interruption. Sure, the independent projects often veer into playing Minecraft with friends online, but they just as often result in reading, working on a digital art project or building a massive Lego creation.

My friends also deserve a big high five and a hug for being so understanding. We try to have lunch together at least once a month, even with my perma-shadow in tow. He’s no fool- he knows that if he cooperates and reads a book at another table patiently, he’ll get the bigger half of the cookie. He also fully understands that a happy mom, means a happy teacher and that all leads to a better school day.Speaking of free time, our rhythm also means I get to spend more time baking. The kid has a strange sense of humor and requested this dairy-free "cheese" cake for his birthday party. His dairy-allergic friends appreciated his funny joke.