Language matters- How do YOU talk about homeschooling?

Homeschooling our kids is a challenge. The days can seem unbearably long and the moments of joy sometimes stretch few and far between. Sometimes we get bogged down in the pressure of it all and get caught in a negative space.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how homeschoolers talk about homeschooling. I’ve realized in my school that often our families are still nervous about coming out as homeschoolers. They’re tentative, feeling out the crowd and trying to decide how to approach the “Yes, we homeschool” topic. The more I listen, the more I realize that we cannot get society to open-mindedly accept homeschooling, until we change our language from within.

Think about it. How many times have you given a sideways, mumbled “Oh we homeschool” to the lady at the grocery store? How often do you over defend and under explain what your days really look like?

The next couple of months bring lots of family dinners, complicated dynamics as you try to explain your choices and awkward silence across the table or at the holiday party. For November and December, I encourage you to watch your language and to see how you frame homeschooling to others.

Use positive words that reflect choice
Turn the mumbled “We homeschool” into a proud “We homeschool by choice!” It doesn’t have to be preachy or get others to jump on the bandwagon. It’s just an open, honest start to the conversation. Finish with “It’s certainly not easy every day, but I know it’s worth it for our family.”

Let your kids speak for themselves
The best representatives of homeschooling successes are often our articulate little students! Help your kids understand how to frame their experiences for others that don’t get it, so they don’t feel awkward when asked. I recently discovered that the kid was telling family about the classes he was taking. He wasn’t including any of his independent learning lessons. This left the family thinking we had taken a year off of math, history and literature, because he had described live classes in science, writing and some extracurriculars. After a quick translation, he realized he hadn’t given out a complete picture and left others totally confused.

Don’t judge
In fact, go far, far out of your way to avoid anything judgmental at all. When you talk about the excellent relationship you’re building with your kids, watch your tone so that others don’t interpret it as a condemnation of the relationship they aren’t building. If we want others to value our choice, we have to make sure we recognize their choice as equally valid.

Use humor, be light and assume innocence
Yes, I know, when you answer the dreaded “How are they socialized?” question it’s hard to remain light. Remind yourself, this might be the first time your conversation partner has met a homeschooler. Even the great aunt you see once a year doesn’t really get it and has no idea what you do all day. This is a perfect time to rattle off your laundry list of extracurriculars, volunteer activities and family commitments.

Don’t get bogged down in curriculum discussions
Unless you’re talking to another homeschooler, curriculum discussions are lost even on your family and friends who are classroom teachers. They don’t understand the difficulty of breaking down a classroom textbook that includes lab directions for 34 students and using it at home for just one. If you try to explain it, the easy answer is “Well that’s why he should be in school!” Avoid curriculum discussions beyond a cursory topic discussion. “He’s doing Algebra” is just as good as “Oh we’re finishing the non-Common Core based chapters of Math Mammoth before moving on to Art of Problem Solving.”

Let's change the tone of the conversation and help others understand the benefits of homeschooling!